Monday, September 21, 2015

The Goldmine of All Japanese- English Books

Ok so tonight I was walking in the mall by my house and I found a place that was basically the Japanese equivalent of Spencer's gifts. It was like a Japanese teenager's heaven. There was candy aisles, Ted 2 memorabilia, a Minion aisle...
and then I saw this book.
It's called "How To use Fuck".
(Notice, Lady Gaga on the cover)
It's an English-phrase learning book (it comes with a CD on how to pronounce the phrases in English too).

It was right next to another similar book called "How To Use Bitch" (with Madonna on the cover).

And let me tell, you.
It was the GOLDMINE of Japanese to English hilarity.
This was the most awesome revelation of how the Japanese view American culture. 
To me, it was the most revealing look into their outsider perspective towards modern day Western culture.

I had to take pictures of the highlights I found in this book.
Let's look at them now, shall we?

This was literally the first page. 
Boston slang. 
Fitting because if anyone has been to Fenway Park and heard the way Red Sox fans talk crap about anyone/everyone, it makes sense.
What doesn't make sense is why Prince William and Catherine are on this page about the Red Sox.
This page is of Barack Obama eating a pizza. 'Nuff said. 

American Hustle. Questionable illustration.
Of course Sid Vicious would be on this page.
Of course Edward Snowden would be on this page.
Spiccoli really is an iconic American representation.
I was thoroughly confused by this one. 
The caption says Penelope Cruz.
But it's clearly Mario.
Did Penelope Cruz ever play Mario? 
If she ever did, it's definitely not her most iconic English speaking role. 
I am still confused. 
This is like putting a picture of Saddam Hussein, with a caption "Salma Hayek."
Questionable drawing of Kurt Cobain. 
Plus what did he ever have to say about shitting pants? 
I'm pretty sure he never said anything regarding shitting pants, let alone giving advice like "Don't shit your pants" and having it credited to his name.
It's not like he had a song called "Shitpants." You know, the one song on "Nevermind", in between "Lithium" and "In Bloom".
It's not like he was on the cover of Rolling Stones: "Kurt Cobain: 1993 Artist of the Year...'Don't Shit Your Pants, Kids.'"
Ol' Dirty.
Ok I understand E.T. being an American cultural icon, but why this caption?!
Is someone calling E.T. a "bitch ass hoe" or is E.T., in his E.T. voice saying "What a bitch ass hoe" to Elliott, after he refuses to go off that jump on his bike.
The answer we may never know. 
This one literally made me laugh out loud because it really expresses what I think the current's pope attitude actually is.
Also I like how the caption is "A pope," not "The Pope." 
And they didn't even care to do any research like "Pope Francis" or "Pope XXIIVI".'s "a pope."
This last one I think is the most extreme representation of American Culture: Martin Scorsese's sensation cultural zeitgeist "Taxi Driver." 
Nothing sums up the skewed, screwed up culture of America than this image and this caption. 
Robert DeNiro looks absolutely insane in this picture. 
Is that how Japanese people think about all Americans, they are just crazy gun-toting maniacs?
And "Taxi Driver", the movie is insane.
It did actually inspire John Hinckley, Jr. to actually try and assassinate Ronald Reagan, so that Jodie Foster would be impressed with him and love him.
Thus, in a nutshell, fully expresses the actual insanity of America. 

I also noticed this book, called "Let's do it!" which I have no idea what it's about (I can guess), and the caption "It's not the size of the boat, it's the motion of the ocean." 
I am going to leave that one to speak for itself.

I am also going to start posting pictures of meals I am eating here in Japan, although I will not know what to call them because I don't know what they are called. I can't read the Kanji, so I literally just point at the pictures on the menus.
Here is the meal I ate tonight:
It was おいしいい(delicious). 
I have never been a "foodie" in my life.
Most of what I eat is junk food, or food for sustenance.
I have never been one to actively seek out meals for enjoyment and taste pleasure.
But here in Japan, I am a "foodie." 
I actively do seek out, and enjoy meals for their taste.
There is a reason why Anthony Bourdain said Japan has the "best food in the world."

Weekly English fashion mistake:

I saw a girl wearing a shirt that said "Life is Journey" inside a heart. 
And I don't think it was a Journey, the rock band, T-shirt.

Also there was this middle-aged man (near a kid, so he looked like a father) and near two grandparent looking people. 
He was wearing a Counter Culture brand shirt that said "Conceived in California. Life is about getting high, music, friends and more." 
I am pretty sure nothing on that t-shirt was true for that man.

Also I am going to work on a weekly segment called "What Music is Being Played in This Japanese Grocery Store Today."

I walked in and there was this funky beat going on and I was like "Oohh...I need to Shazam this:"
"What Music is Being Played in This Japanese Grocery Store Today?"
Milli Vanilli.
That's right Milli Vanilli. 
This song:

Also the next song I heard:

That's right. 
Ray Parker, Jr. is still getting those royalty checks. I doubt he realizes that some of it comes from grocery stores in Japan. 

That's it for today.
Take care of yourselves. And each other.

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